Bare

 I went for a shirtless run this morning. It was peppered with moments of feeling free, in flow and confident, as well as self-conscious, distracted and inferior.

But whether I am wearing a shirt or no does not make any difference to how my body actually looks. It is as it is. And in the moments of presence and pure wearing my heart on my sleevelessness, a silent voice in the back of my mind silenced itself. I felt a sense of calm and clarity. I realize how that constant worry, effort and work to present myself to the world (most of the time to absolute strangers I will never see again) is a drain on my consciousness. Like when you have a low level headache all day. I wonder what impacts it would have If I used that space and energy for something else.

But at the same time caring what others think pushes me. When I run past an attractive woman I run a little faster and stronger. I work that little bit extra to show my boss I made the deadline. I bring wine to a party without being asked to. It seems there are many examples of when caring what others will think is in fact helpful to reaching my personal/professional goals or be a contributor to my friends and community.

I wonder when this care of judgement is helpful or when being unapologetically real, bare and unphased is the way to be.