Rules

 I just want to stretch with my shoes off. Yet anytime I try, within a couple minutes a trainer comes to tell me to put them back on. I get it, the rules are you need shoes in the gym. But on the side, on a yoga mat, what will actually happen? Is this so that if someone drops a weigh on my toe I won't sue the gym? Would the ultra-thin, super light fabric of my running shoes make much of a difference? It doesn't make sense to me.

And maybe it would make sense if I had the full context of why that rule is in place. But I don't. And rules like this drive me nuts.

I seem to have a strong resistance to rules. Not for the sake of it (I don't have any desire to vandalize a bus stop to fight 'the man') but it seems a resistance to being unreasonably controlled. Each time I encounter a 'non-sensical' rule I'm triggered to fight for my identity and autonomy. And even to do something 'wrong' that makes me happy or is more convenient, I'll wait for someone else to come and enforce the rule/complain.

I wonder if this resistance to rules is linked to me having a controlling mother. Or if it indicates some weakness or insecurity of self that I think I'll lose myself if I'm a sheep in the flock. Are the ones that stick out and reject conformity actually those with the least self confidence and the most desperate to exert a semblance of control of their lives? Does working out in socks make me feel more empowered? Less of a cog in the machine?

It seems a valuable trait to not mindlessly follow rules and to instead consider what they are, why they are there, the consequences of following/not following them, and then choosing what to do. But I believe this is more valuable to be done from a place of choosing what type of person to be, not desperately & instinctively fighting against external influence on your life.