Alcohol

 I love to drink. I love cocktails. I love Gin and Tonic. I love the feeling of freedom and presence and lower filters and inhibitions. I love doing without worrying what others are seeing and thinking. I love dancing. 

I'm now on day 13 of not drinking alcohol (of 75). It's not that I would drink daily before, or that this is the longest I've ever gone without drinking, but rather how I am now approaching events that has changed. I am less eager to go to big meals and parties and weddings. These were the usual spots that I would show up tipsy and have a drink in my hand from the moment I arrived.

It makes me wonder: Can I have as good a time sober? Were these events excuses to get drunk? Does alcohol make 'non-fun' events more fun? What do I feel too self-conscious/ashamed to do sober and why?

I find myself thinking small, intimate meals may be nicer than big events. But I used to love big events. Do I actually not like them?

I think it will be a tough 62 days of no alcohol ahead. Well probably only about 6 of those days will be hard. And maybe those are the days on which that I learn and grow the most. But I definitely want a giant party when I am done, and plan to have a cup in my hand throughout.