Aging

"I make the best of it." - that's what granny fay said with a smile and her eyes wide and twinkingling. She said it without satire or resentment but calm acceptance and joy.

It was the answer to what she feels about the fact that she and Zeida are aging and she knows she won't be around very much longer. She offered me her machzorim as she can't see and Zeida can't see the machzor pages anymore so they just go to prayers and listen.

Zeida said to her that he loves her "I love you all the time" as she tells him she wants him out of hospital and back home. 

It's such a weird space to know you and your partner will die sometime soon, and both accept it while at the same time fight it. Be happy to get out of hospital alive but also know that it's only a matter of time until your story ends. I understand the resistance to wanting life to end, I struggle to understand the fight and effort when life is so fragile and temporary. What are you living for? Is there a choice to continue or is it just a deep default desire to continue on. 

When your friends are all dead and your days blend together and look the same. When your eyes fail and your legs fail. When you're housebound, eating the same meals, having the same simple good shabbas calls, recounting the same stories of the old days.

I wonder what it really feels like as you age tremendously. I guess all there is to do is "make the best of it"